I just finished a book called Boundaries. It's written by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. If you're a human being, you should read this book. So, ask yourself...Am I human? And if you answered yes, read it. I'm not kidding. Do it. Right now. =)
I would consider myself a people person. I have been for my entire life, even as a little kid. I remember being so shy and self-conscious about every little thing and I think it was just the way I was raised. Now, don't get me wrong. I would say that my parents did an excellent job raising me, but I feel that I never had a say on what I wanted with life. It was always to please others. Always. You know how little kids learn how to say no. Yeah, I can't recall one time ever saying no. It was always yes. YES YES YES. It was yes whether refering to doing social things, spending time on others, food, boys, anything. I didn't have a mind of my own. I have just finished my first two years of college and still, I can't recall a time where I said no to anything. And a big reason I don't want to say no is that I don't want to offend anybody. I don't want to feel unloved. I don't want to be turned down or hurt anyone. But, in reality, I was hurting myself and I still am. So, I decided to pick up the book Boundaries and I couldn't stop highlighting. The book was written for me. I really believe that. As a human being, I have the fear of not being liked or even loved. I will go to any extreme to make people like me, even if it is endangering my own life. No joke. I pleased others to the point where I lost my own sense of identity of who Lauren Thill is as a person, and even today, I can't define who I am. I've lost myself in others and what others want. Boundaries keep us from getting hurt, but also, allow us to become closer to the people who really do cherish and love us as individuals. The people who want to be our true friends will love us for the boundaries we set. Boundaries are really about relationships. And why do we have relationships in the first place? It's because humans crave love, not only from Christ, but from the people around them. We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When our motive is saying yes out of fear, we love not. And I never looked at it like that before. I thought that always saying yes was the right way. But, saying yes out of fear of someone not liking me shows that my heart was in a compliant state, which can be turned into an actual lying attitude. That is not what Christ wanted in our relationship with others. God set boundaries for his people, not to torment us or make us unhappy, but to protect and provide and conserve our true relationship with Him. It was all done out of love. I have had relationships with people that have not been healthy for me. And setting boundaries might make me lose their love or their friendship, but if they can't respect the boundaries that I set, then they are not true friends in the first place. Perfect love casts out fear. And my heart will not be a heart of fear any longer. It will be a heart full of love; a kind of love that the Lord requires from His people.
I would consider myself a people person. I have been for my entire life, even as a little kid. I remember being so shy and self-conscious about every little thing and I think it was just the way I was raised. Now, don't get me wrong. I would say that my parents did an excellent job raising me, but I feel that I never had a say on what I wanted with life. It was always to please others. Always. You know how little kids learn how to say no. Yeah, I can't recall one time ever saying no. It was always yes. YES YES YES. It was yes whether refering to doing social things, spending time on others, food, boys, anything. I didn't have a mind of my own. I have just finished my first two years of college and still, I can't recall a time where I said no to anything. And a big reason I don't want to say no is that I don't want to offend anybody. I don't want to feel unloved. I don't want to be turned down or hurt anyone. But, in reality, I was hurting myself and I still am. So, I decided to pick up the book Boundaries and I couldn't stop highlighting. The book was written for me. I really believe that. As a human being, I have the fear of not being liked or even loved. I will go to any extreme to make people like me, even if it is endangering my own life. No joke. I pleased others to the point where I lost my own sense of identity of who Lauren Thill is as a person, and even today, I can't define who I am. I've lost myself in others and what others want. Boundaries keep us from getting hurt, but also, allow us to become closer to the people who really do cherish and love us as individuals. The people who want to be our true friends will love us for the boundaries we set. Boundaries are really about relationships. And why do we have relationships in the first place? It's because humans crave love, not only from Christ, but from the people around them. We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When our motive is saying yes out of fear, we love not. And I never looked at it like that before. I thought that always saying yes was the right way. But, saying yes out of fear of someone not liking me shows that my heart was in a compliant state, which can be turned into an actual lying attitude. That is not what Christ wanted in our relationship with others. God set boundaries for his people, not to torment us or make us unhappy, but to protect and provide and conserve our true relationship with Him. It was all done out of love. I have had relationships with people that have not been healthy for me. And setting boundaries might make me lose their love or their friendship, but if they can't respect the boundaries that I set, then they are not true friends in the first place. Perfect love casts out fear. And my heart will not be a heart of fear any longer. It will be a heart full of love; a kind of love that the Lord requires from His people.
